Piss Poor Attitude

Recently I’ve begun to experience the end of an era – a giant in my life has started to slow down; and it’s scary. Really scary.

My Grandad (Gdiddles) has started to begin being old. He’s always been spry as a jackrabbit and full of more puns than Jerry Seinfeld, and most importantly – He introduced me to the idea of Jesus. Less the idea and more the person of Jesus.

My spiritual journey is largely thanks to my granddads pursuit of Christ and me. Intentionality and every conversation pointed me to Jesus.

I’ve done a few things for the Kingdom of Christ – won a few people, preached the Word, toured with ministries and mentored students. These things are absolutely the product of my Granddad.

I’ve recently learned of his worsening condition. He’s still trying to do his old man things and praising The Lord daily, but recent hospital visits and bad days have brought these things to a crawl.

Knowing I may soon see the end of his life – my attitude has begun to deteriorate. I’ve become angry, and relatively short fused. My empathy for people has dwindled and I can be pretty snippy with others easily.

I have never had to learn to cope with a giant in my life begin to fade. I have no idea how to handle this.

My response to this fear, frustration and upset – is wrong; and is definitely not the way my Gdiddles would respond to things.

Colossians 3:23 is a huge and constant reminder to get focused on the important things, and more importantly – respond as if I was interfacing with Christ directly.

“…work heartily as for the Lord, and not for men.”

(The context of this is talking about Christian households, and families focusing on Christ, however I see this verse specifically working well out of context, too.)

I understand that my joy for and reaction to the Lord, should present an example for others based on my works and life – and my lack of empathy and short fuse severely hampers this. I’m not making excuses, as many do – I’m wrong.

I pray for comfort and a stern guiding hand from the Lord to get myself back on track – and be strong for my family and Granddad.

Ephesians 3:19 – “…that you may be filed with all the fullness of God,” is my current prayer. I recognize that the fullness of God will bring strength, correction and guiding.

Lord, encourage others by this reflection. Lord, bring strength to my family. Lord, let me be even half the warrior my Granddad is.

• Saved: Christian Living, General, God, Heart Issues, Pride, Relationships